Dealing with anger

4 min read

Experts describe anger as a primary, natural emotion that has evolved to protect us from what we think is wrong. Mild irritation can be caused by fatigue, stress, or annoyance. We are more likely to feel annoyed if our basic human needs are not met or are at risk.

Responding to frustration, criticism, or threat can make us angry, and it is not necessarily a bad or inappropriate reaction. We can also feel annoyed by other people's beliefs, opinions, or actions. Anger can affect our ability to communicate effectively - which is why we are more likely to say or do irrational things.

There are four most common types of anger. 

Justifiable anger is a sense of moral outrage at the injustices of the world. Be it the destruction of the environment, the oppression of human rights, the cruelty to animals, community violence, or the abuse of relationships at home. In the short term, justified anger can be beneficial because its intensity can be channelled into practical change.

The second type is annoyance anger. There can be many frustrations in everyday life: the driver did not miss, the partner said something insensitive, the children did not listen etc.

The third type is aggressive anger. Often used in situations where one person tries to dominate, intimidate, manipulate or control another. Repeatedly expressed in a relationship, aggressive anger becomes bullying, oppression, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.

The fourth type - seizures of anger. Often arises from childhood (due to many factors) and is usually part of the young person's development and maturation process. People with chronic cravings often have difficulty building healthy and successful relationships, and the struggle continues until professional help is sought for their anger problems.

Any form of anger over time is unhealthy. It deprives us of peace and causes suffering, and will only hurt us in the long run. Professional help is not needed if anger is not frequent and efficiently dissipates and is expressed without aggression. In such situations, anger only indicates annoyance and can help find a solution.

How to control anger:

1. Recognize the first signs of anger

When do you usually experience anger? In what places? Which time? With what people? Perhaps anger arises when it is severely late, or the employer provides too little information for an important task. You may feel annoyed when you try to discuss home issues with the other half after a long day at work. Anger is often situational; it  likes to catch us when we are tense, tired, and vulnerable. You can leave home earlier, dare to ask for more information, and so on.

2. Reduce the list of requirements

It often happens that the expectations of those around you are higher than in real life. We want to feel valued, loved, listened to. But everything happens in life, and those around us do not always meet our expectations. Sometimes it is necessary to reduce and soften the rules we have created to feel angry and upset when people in the environment do not follow them.

3. Consider what lies beneath your anger

Anger does not necessarily mean it. Sometimes it is just the tip of the iceberg - and the real masked emotions lie much deeper. As we try to get to the bottom of it, we may discover that behind anger situations lies something we perceive as a threat. Anger is a great traitor when we feel insecure about something.

4. Learn to relax

Respond more calmly. It is helpful to learn body relaxation techniques that will allow you to release some tension (this is especially effective when we notice anger at the beginning and it is not yet time to soak up). These can include deep breathing, repetition of soothing phrases, relaxing visualizations, conscious muscle relaxation.

5. Take a break

If you feel that you are losing control of your emotions, step back for a while. You can do this in various ways. Such as going for a drink of water, apologizing for a discussion, answering the phone, and so on. If you have the opportunity to retire for a more extended period when you feel annoyed and angry, offer to continue the conversation after a shower, workout, or other. In this way, moving away from the fading feelings, a cumulative thought. Allows you to look at the problem from a different angle.

Practical advice

# 1 // When you are angry, you may notice that breathing becomes faster and more shallow. One simple way to calm the body and reduce anger is to slow down and deepen breathing. Can find more tips here. You can always try breathing exercises in our app.

#2 // If you’re a book lover. This article offers 19 different books to help control anger outbursts. Get inspiration from one or more of the best anger management books; armed with tools that can defeat anger, work with self-esteem, and move your life into an area of ​​happiness, peace, and bliss.

#3 // Take a break and listen to what psychologist Ryan Martin has to say about why we want to be angry and why it’s healthy. You can find the Ted talk here.

#4 // Slower-paced music can soothe your thoughts and relax your muscles, so you can feel calm while relieving the day's worries or even the anger you hold. Get into soothing music; for example, enjoy this Spotify playlist.

#5 // Sport is not only physical but also emotional health! If you are angry and want to pour it out, you can engage in martial arts, boxing, cycling. Walking also frees up long-standing negative thoughts, will help calm you down. Can find more workout tips in the article.